Lost

These days, I can only live day by day. My heart can't take more than a day can offer.

Forced into making a decision has only resulted in my emotional and mental breakdown.

I don't usually lie, I hardly lie but last Friday I lied. The biggest lie I told so far. Because my heart couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't face a single soul without shedding a tear. I could barely breath a word without breaking into what could possibly be the most embarrassing  moment of my life. So I flee..by lying.

I wanted to run as far away as possible. I drove and drove, to find my happy place. A park where only happy memories were created. I felt safe, I felt momentarily relieved.

No one was around. So I cried..and cried...and cried.

Probably about an hour and a half I stayed crying.

I was lost. I never was this lost, but now I feel absolutely lost.

Please don't bring religion into this. I prayed, I did, but my prayers weren't answered. 

I gave up.

I'm not angry at Him. I deserved every bit of His punishment. I was sinful. My life full of sins.

I never felt this weak, this helpless, this soulless.

This close to giving up

Ntah kenapa, hati kecil ni cakap my engagement won't go as well as I want it to be.

Just like merisik.

Dah tried my best to do hantaran and doorgifts on my own. 

Yang lain tu terpaksalah berserah je.

Nak ikutkan banyak je yg tak puas hati, tunang pun skali je seumur hidup (insyaallah) tapi ntahla, too late dah utk ubah apa2, cuma dapat fix sana sini je. Budjet pun bukan banyak. Sedey pun ade, excited pun ade.

Nak complain pun, nanti ada yang kecik hati. Nak demanding sangat, nanti ade yg marah. Serba salah.

If it goes ugly, then finela, tak larat dah nak pikir.

I saw a poster saying "Vote for trees", Yes I'll vote for you!

The streets are painted blue, green, red and white. It's an eyesore really. If it wasn't because of the upcoming event, I dare say it's pretty close to vandalism.

 It's a pity to see that the "war" has been engaged. The word "unity" seems to appear only in speeches and preaches to earn more vote. But unity is far from happening, I mean how can you define "united" when all I hear is people throwing harsh claims and accusations towards one another?

Funny really when I saw two girls who are friends with one another discussing politics on FB. The discussion was heavily heated and then religion is associated with politic. Dangerous game really, when one is accused of committing sin for voting one party over another.

I'm merely an observer. I'm afraid of confrontation and arguments because I don't believe politic is an issue worth losing your friends for. Some get overly sensitive over who they're voting for even though by right, your vote should be a secret, at least that's what they say.

Well, my vote is a secret.

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Secret I say.

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Actually I didn't register this year. 

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Don't ask why.

The journey and beyond

Forgive me datuk and datin for being so silent these past few weeks.

I have a lot in my hands right now that writing a new post seems to be the last thing on my mind.

Besides cracking my head at work, purchasing a new ride, trying to own a crib and envisioning my future in my career, I do have an event (make that two, or shall I say three?) to plan.

I, or rather we, have decided to minimize the solemnization which mean stripping out the non essentials (in another word, those yang tak wajib) for solemnization to cut down our budget. I rather we spent more on the house and the life altogether than a one day event.

...Which means I'm going all out for the engagement.

Staying within our budget seems tough. Despite our saving, I don't want to exceed certain amount. Bless those who have financial help from parents, but we will try our best to stand on our own with minimal help from the elders.

Currently I'm decorating the hantarans. For non malaysians (is there any?), hantaran are gifts exchange between the future groom and future bride's families during engagement and solemnization.

I've decided to give everything on engagement and leave the essentials for solemnization.

So tadaaaa...a sneak peak of my hantaran decoration.

It's not finished, more like a prototype for now but I'll definitely keep the minimal decoration.

It might not be the most awesome looking hantaran but this will do.

You no likey?

Become a scientist?

 

Yep, totally agree

Perhaps u need a break

B, minta izin post ni ya..

Today, I received a text from B :

 

And that ladies and gentleman,

is my other half.

haha..

p/s : still love u no matter what

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