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Thursday, May 23, 2013

getting weary

With all these things happening, I'm finding myself losing appetite and lack of proper sleep. I often take a light breakfast and eat only half of my lunch and occasionally skip dinner. I used to be able to sleep long hour but these days I tend to sleep late and wake up before my alarm ticks off. 

I  am worried about my own mental and physical health.I find myself prone to crying even for tiny things and I'm worried of my declining weight.

I'm 146 cm, 33kg and I'm 27.

Yes, I used to take it as a laughing matter by saying I can hide easily in cupboards and people won't think of looking me there, how if I faint, it doesn't take a man to pick me up and sent to hospital.

But now I don't feel like laughing at all.I made funny remarks of myself just to make myself feel better.Truth is, I don't.

I don't because what happens when one day I want to have a child and there would be problems because of my BMI? What happens if one day I need an operation and there would be complication because I'm underweight?

People says that the nearer you are to your wedding, the happier you should be and perhaps the better your appetite? But god knows what I go through right now between work and wedding preparation.

Not having a stable income, trying to figure out what my next career move,, stepping into a marriage world, trying to build a's all sounds like the common problem anyone would face.  Except facing it simultaneously without being able to take one step at a time is quite a lot to handle. 

I guess I'm just tired, of holding myself together that is.I want to be strong, strong for B, strong for my family.

Except occasionally....I trip.

It's so so.......  so tiring.


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