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Friday, August 16, 2013

Adieu

It is with deep regret (not so much maybe, it just sounded nice to say it that way) to announce that perhaps, perhaps this is the end of this blog (jeez, like anybody care)

I started out like years ago, I never stopped writing till this day and I think I've changed partner twice! ever since this blog started. I am fully aware of how my posts were written mainly, if not purely to express my negative thoughts and emotions.

No one likes to read how sad you are. But more importantly, no one cares how depressed you may be.

Truth hurts. But they're necessary.

One valuable lesson I learned from writing in this blog is that, despite how much you pour out your dissatisfaction, complaints, comments, etc, it will only give you temporary relief. You really can't expect sympathy or empathy from strangers or even acquaintances.

In short, don't expect people to understand you.

Happiness is just a matter of perception (Says one who has trouble believing it).

So, adieu nonexistent readers. I'll miss you.

Will you miss me too?

I think I already know the answer.


Wednesday, July 24, 2013

My eyes hurt

Ish rambang mata tengok pelamin...

Tengok jela.

Nak wat tak mampu.

Why must pretty things be sooooo effing expensive.
Sunday, July 21, 2013

kesah toilet

haritu ntah camne kami boleh terborak pasal toilet kat opis.

toilet kat opis ni bukan bersih sgt, dan ade dikalangan manusia yang still menggunakan tandas duduk seolah2 tandas cangkuk membuatkan kami sgt2 tidak selesa.

dan ade juga yang selalu saya perasan, mereka2 yang suka lupa tutup lampu lepas kluar toilet.

pastu saya pun jawabla "tulah, rasa nak tulis note je....kalau selalu lupa tutup lampu, baik jgn on".

pastu kawan saya pun cakap "apsal awak ni emo sgt. bukannya awak yang bayar pun letrik. pedulikanla.management yang bayar kan".

i just kept quiet. yelah, nak menjawab nanti dia ingat kita cari gaduh pulak. 

but that's how I observed our msian mentalities.
 
sama macam, biarlah buang sampah kat luar tingkap, nanti dbkl kutip lah. awak kan bayar cukai.

dan kalau nak exagerate lagi..apa salahnya bakar sampah. udara kite pun bukan bersih sgt.

i didn't mean to be..as what she said...emotional.

I just prefer to adapt a different mentality.

Really, I don't throw rubbish outside my car window. I don't squat in public toilet (when it's a seating toilet), and I certainly don't leave tissues lying around in local surau.

I can already foresee how you teach your children, and that's just a reason why the world will never be a healthier and cleaner place.

Xkan nak ajar anak2, oh takpe, biarkah membazir letrik kat skolah, skolah yang bayar tapi jgn pulak buat kat rumah.

mana consistency anda?

tepuk dada tanya selera.
Friday, July 19, 2013

My confession

*Sorry, this post is a mix of malay and english. No proper vocab/grammer. Written in tears*

Seperti dia, saya mencari sebab sebenar saya di dunia ni. Why am here? What is the purpose of my life?

Subhanallah, Allah turunkan hidayat kepada dia. Bukakan hati dia untuk memeluk Islam and embrace the religion the way it should. Tapi perjalanan saya masih jauh, saya masih terpinga2, tertanya2 dan masih mencari jawapan kepada persoalan saya.

9 tahun lepas, saya masuk local university. Daripada sekolah , saya bertudung on/off. Tapi lepas SPM, saya buat keputusan untuk tidak berhijab. I thought university life would be different, that one day I'll find the right path and eventually I'll choose to cover up.

Tapi pengalaman di university tu bukanlah satu pengalaman manis. I was the very few who are hijabless. Dahlah kecik, pastu tak bertudung, mana tak dipandang semacam. The moment I stepped in, slowly I felt myself being the target of usrah people.

Zaman tu saya jahil. sekarang pun masih jahil. Kakak2 usrah ketuk pintuk setiap sorang heret kami ke surau untuk usrah. Senaif2 saya, saya pergi jugak untuk dengar usrah. Tapi terkejut jugak, kalau 20 buah pintu yang diketuk, kenapa kurang dari 10 yang datang? Dan hanya saya tak bertudung.

My sixth sense told me I was their target. Aurat. Tu lah topik pertama , kedua, dan seterusnya dengan kehadiran saya. Sumpah saya terasa. Kamu panggil saya untuk condemn saya ke? 1001 topik, topik itu jugak yang kamu pilih. 1001 bab agama yang saya ingin tahu, topik itu jugak yang kamu mahu ketengahkan?

Benci, itulah yang saya rasa. Instead of feeling more interested to know, I tuned out. My colleagues weren't helpful. Saya berasal dari skolah harian biasa dan 99.9% rakan sekelas saya dari skolah asrama, so I felt left out.Ade daripada mereka bertudung labuh ada yang tidak. I didn't click with them much and I don't think they like me at all. I always thought it was because I was hijabless. Kenapa, kalau saya tidak berhijab bererti saya bersosial ke? minum arak ke? makan babi ke?

Paling terkilan apabila saya mendapat tahu seorang hamba allah yang ayu berhijab labuh memberitahu rakan sekelas saya "Ei, saya tak suka lah M, dia tak bertudung?". Tak penah sepanjang pengajian saya di situ memakai baju ketat mendat macam sarung nangka, mahupun pakaian senteng yang bile duduk nampak bontot sedangkan rakan sekelas saya itu jauh walaupun bertudung, sumpah saya pernah nampak belakangnya kerana pakaiannya yang teramatlah ketat.

So I wasn't happy. I had no friends and I felt the whole world condemned me because I was hijabless.

Alhamdulillah, SPM result keluar dan saya mendapat tawaran ke France. It was my gateway...from everything. From the skeptical look everyone had on me, from those people who called me tikus because of my size and from my unhappy life.

Satu isu yang hangat diperdebatkan adalah kat France, certain universities and certain schools, you're not allowed to wear tudung. There was a day, a colleague of mine broke down and cried, she said "I can't go to this university. I'm wearing tudung. " I didn't offer any consolation, I didn't feel pity for her because the piece of cloth you wore on your head, yes it covers your hair, yet you still wear short sleeve, I can see your shape from your clothes and I definitely can see your behind, so tell me again, why were you crying?

Setahun selepas tu, apabila dia ke university di France, ya, dia terpaksa membuka tudung di perkarangan university tapi terus menyarungnya semula di luar. Syabas atas tindakan anda, saya bangga. Tapi apabila kami pergi ski bersama, kenapa sekadar snow cap yang anda kenakan? Leher anda bukankah juga aurat? Dan kenapa anda masih mengenakan short sleeve?

Pengalaman di France membuatkan saya makin rebel. Lahir sebagai Islam, namun saya tidak mengerti agama sendiri. Saya jahil dan masih jahil. Saya memerhati orang Islam di keliling saya, tiada yang antara mereka membuktikan keindahan agama ini kepada saya. Maka saya terus jahil.

Golongan2 usrah giat aktif di negara sana. Mereka yang bertuduh labuh berkumpul bersama2 untuk menjalankan aktiviti agama. Pada suatu hari, ketika sambutan tahun baru cina, kami di jemput meraikannya di restoran cina muslim. Kebetulan haritu , seorang kakak usrah ni duduk sebelah saya. Tapi saya amatlah pelik, dia duduk membelakangi saya, maknanya most of the time saya cuma nampak belakang dia, dan sipi2 sahaja muka dia. Berborak dengan saya pun tidak. Saya berborak2 dengan rakan di depan saya, ade juga saya tegur sket2 kakak ni, tapi respons dia kurang memuaskan. Kenapa kakak, hina sgt ke saya ni sampai kakak taknak adekan perbualan panjang dengan saya?

Saya tak tahu ape gosip yang berputar di sekitar saya. Ade juga yang mengatakan saya ni teramat bersosial. Pelik jugak sebab setahu saya takde org msia di city dan university saya blaja. Kamu pasang kamera kah? Atau guna crystal ball kah? Cubalah tanya rakan2 French saya, diorang nak heret saya ke parti diorang pun bukan main susah. Ni kan pula nak bersosial.

Mungkin pada tahun sebelum tu, saya asyik berkepit dgn ex saya. Yalah, rakan sket, dan saya kesunyian. Siapa lagi yang mahu layan rengetan saya kalau bukan dia. Dialah kawan baik saya dan dialah teman saya. Kalau xnak saya berkepit saja dgn dia, kenapa kamu juga tidak mahu membuka langkah menjadi rakan saya? Saya alu2 kan saja. Xdenya saya nak tolak kamu bertudung labuh atau tidak. Tidak sesekali saya judge kamu sehinggalah kamu bagi saya sbb untuk "mengejudge.".

Eventually I kept my distance from msians in France. I kept in touch with very few. Tapi ntahlah, saya tak reti simpan kawan. Tak tahu apa salah saya, kawan saya tak penah nak stay. Dari dulu sampai skrg. Kalau zaman skolah tu saya paham. Time tu saya sensitif sgt, salah sket, xnak kawan. Merajuk je tahu.

Tp kawan yang saya takdelah nak merajuk mana pun saya tak reti simpan. Banyak yang saya terkilan namun saya diamkan . Ade tu saya invite utk tunang saya sbb saya consider dia sgt penting dalam hidup saya, tapi last minit dia cancel,  nak seribu dalih taknak seribu daya. Alasan yang diberikan kurang convincing tapi saya diamkan sahaja. Yang sorang lagi pulak, kawan dah bertahun2. Tapi ntah mengapa, masa dia sedih dan lost, dia cari saya. Sanggup call dr Msia sedangkan saya di France, tp skrng, janji mahu contact tapi sampai skrg entah diam ke mana. Mungkin anda tertanya, kenapa tak saya je contact diorang. Jgn salah paham, text pun sudah, call pun sudah namun balas pun xnk , jawab pun xnak. Alasan bz katanya tapi di FB, seronok bagai kluar dgn rakan2 lain. Saya bukan rakan andakah? Siapakah yang sanggup bangun sebelum 6 pagi dgr anda meluahkan perasaan yg gf anda akan bertunang dgn org lain? Maafkan kalau yang membaca tu anda, dan anda terasa, tapi kalau 10 yang anda rasa , 1000 kali jugaklah saya terkilan.

Kalau bukan famili saya atau pun B, sumpah saya tak tahu nak call sapa kalau saya dalam kesusahan. Sbb tu saya cakap kat B, jgnlah B pegi dulu sebelum saya. Saya tak tahu camne nak hidup kalau takde awak. Bukanla maksud saya, xbleh nak bernyawa langsung, tapi peritnya kehilangan seseorang tu pasti agak lama saya nak tangani.

B dan saya, kami bukanlah muslim yang ideal. Ramadan tahun ni hambar bagi saya. Saya nak terawikh, tapi takut nak pegi sorang2. Mak abah taknak pegi. Alasannya, abah sakit dan mak penat. So terawikh sorang2 je. Saya bgtau B, B nanti bile dah kahwin, imamkanlah solat saya dan bawalah saya terawikh ye. Bimbingla saya B, sbb saya sedar ade benda missing dalam hidup saya dan saya rasa benda itu ialah agama. Untungnya saya lahir sbgai org Islam tapi ruginya saya kerana tak paham erti sebenar agama ini. Malam2, kadang saya baca Quran dan tafsirnya. Tapi saya masih belum jumpa jawapan kepada soalan saya. Makin lama makin saya banyak soalan, dan makin lama makin saya keliru. Saya belum terbuka untuk berhijab, condemnlah saya jauh2 tapi percayalahlah, lagi kata2 perit awak macam "Ko tak bertudung, yang pasti ko ke neraka", akan hanya membuatkan saya lagi mahu rebel dan menjauhkan diri drpd memahami kenapa saya wajib berhijab.

Dakwah. Dakwah ade banyak jenis kan. Yang paling berkesan untuk saya adalah contoh dan teladan. Bukan dgn kata2. Dakwah secara halus. Saya takde hak untuk memilih cara dakwah awak, tapi saya ade hak untuk menerima atau tidak apa yang awak katakan.

Some of us are lost. I'm definitely one of them. I don't always feel kindness in my life to have faith in humanity and my religion. But I'll try, slowly but surely. Insyaallah satu hari saya akan berhijab. Bantulah saya dalam perjalanan saya ye. Yang paling penting, help me embrace this religion the way I should.

Maafkan saya atas terkasar bahasa. If you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing k.


Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Oh ramadhan

My fasting this year has a rough start. First day, I couldn't sleep, so I went off to work feeling lightheaded.

Second day started with so much anger. 
Why do people use FB as a medium to express your discontentment rather than talk directly.Can you resolve your issues just by telling you peers virtually?

I, on the other hand, went to confront the person asking if I did something wrong and if yes, well maybe I could do something to fix it.But bloody human just prefer to do things virtually. So what, now you're happy after pouring out your feeling on FB?

What is wrong with these kind of people.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Why do we rant?

I think there are reasons to why we rant. I believe ranting has it purposes.

In work, depending on how we see the situation, ranting is actually an indication. Like, sometimes B would rant about how he didn't manage to troubleshoot with the problems with his clients' server and start to explain to me with complicated technical terms that only IT man would understand, and I will be nodding and smiling yet not understanding (cause that's what people do when they don't understand right? they smile). 

Truth is, behind those rants, I believe there's passion. There's a desire to want to solve the problem, there's frustration but at the same time there's hope. Else, you would fall into the category of "je m'en foutism" (sorry, my french kicking in) which means the "I don't care" group. I've seen those who really lost passion, they would just simply not care and won't bother to get angry, or strive to offer solutions or even bother to complain about it.

Some see ranting as being ungrateful. But perhaps, ranting, when given at a moderate amount, is really just pointing out the imperfection of a system and indirectly thinking out loud on how to perfect it.

What do you think the real reason my personal blog existed in the first place?

To rant, of course.
Monday, June 24, 2013

Does a water air purifier works?

 

Have you seen this kind of air purifier before?

I've seen many, in fact I'm using one right now.

Honestly I don't know if it really works.

All I know is, API (Air pollutant index) is increasing in Malaysia, and my nose is so watery right now and I'm having trouble to breath. Not to mention, my eyes are itchy too.

Can't help but wearing a mask in my own room.

And switching on the air purifier cause can't stand the smokey smell.

Take care everyone! Pray for rain and stop open burning for god sake!

Thursday, June 20, 2013

T'as un job?

Alhamdullilah, I manage to secure a 2 years contract job (I think, and I hope so), but I'll continue to search for a better job. I don't think I'm able to go full blast on finding a better job at the moment, not when I'm busy preparing my wedding. So, new job have to wait.

Doorgift 2

Initially, I just wanted to give the heart shape tin box as my doorgift during my engagement, but then my mom kept worrying me saying that there might not be enough to give away. So I added some home made marshmallow stick (which I made myself) intended for the kids, but apparently they're a big hit with the adult as well. And because of that, there were some tin box leftover. Sad because I made them all by myself.



Self made marshmallow stick with dark chocolate stripes
 
Self made decoration on heart shaped tin box.

P.S : For the paper flower tutorial, just google paper flower D.I.Y, they're easy to make but for these tin boxes, you need tiny fingers like mine to make cause they're only 4cm wide!
Friday, June 14, 2013

Spiders

Yesterday, just before my mom went to bed, she walked in my room and said :

"Mak bertengkak dgn abah" (I had an argument with your dad)

So I asked "Pasal apa?" (About what?)

She said "Mak cakap, labah2 ade 8 kaki, abah tak caya, abah kata labah2 ade 6 kaki" (I said spiders have 8 legs but your dad insist that spider has 6 legs"

-_- Oh god.

Unlike any modern parents would do, by modern I mean google and point, my mom ran to my sister's room and picked out the dusty encylopedia, ran downstairs and showed to my dad :

"Spiders have 8 legs!"

I just shake my head.

Parents....


Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Candy crush

These past few days, I've noticed my dad was concentrating hard on his computer. Sometimes I see him sitting at his desk when I reached home, sometimes late in the evening.

It's weird cause his posture and sitting position were very very similar to when he was working except this time, he had his magnifying glass with him (cause he has eyes problem and glasses aren't enough).

Yesterday (oh wait, I think it was the day before), I catched a glimpse of his monitor.

Colorful various shaped thingy (I donno what to call em).

And yesterday, I figured it out.

He was playing Candy Crush.

L.O.L

My dad is far more advanced than I am.

Monday, June 10, 2013

Of wedding and such

You know when you are a B2B (Bride to be), eventually you would have to do a lot of research on how to organize your own wedding, starting from the venue, catering, etc, etc. So I would just like to list some in this blog, for my own reference really, rather than keeping them dusty under my bookmark tab and hopefully it would serve other B2B out there.

So coming soon ....

Of wedding and such.

<--------Link on your left

Starting off with....

Mini dais

If you're like me, always on a budget (if only money fall from the sky..) yet want something more than a simple bantal for your engagement (why do people nowadays want so much more?), then I really recommend that you take a package that mostly comprise a gown, make up, accessories, handflower and a pelamin (So you won't have headache of finding one by one? My future MIL made the gown for me, a simple one, not so fancy so I can reuse it again for another function. A purple peplum!). However, be aware of their service, the price may be low but they may not provide the best service. I used Wedding Studio, which I found in one of those wedding festival and to be honest, I'm a bit upset with their service. It took 3 visits for them to finish off the pelamin, the first time they were late (like super duper late), second time, they didn't bring all the materials and the third was like half an hour before my event started. So yeah, don't be fooled by the things they offer you. See, I don't even have any photos to show you cause I didn't like the make up they put on me but their pelamin was fine. =( They don't update their FB/blog neither and they have very very poor time management. So save your money and avoid them OK.

I found a few mores back then (while I was googling around) and here's some to poke your nose into!

Sangkar Emas Collection (ade self-pick up & DIY mini dais, useful for those on budget)

Shayana Creation (I think price range RM400 and above)


Weddings Galore (I think they have a package)


start googling then.
Sunday, June 9, 2013

Of birthday and such

No birthday cake this year (neither last year), 

but at least I received a dozen of flower.

I can't thank enough B for making it a wonderful day.

But it does made me realized, I don't really have any real friends here.

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Is he the one?

*wrote this last friday, didn't post it as I wasn't done with it and sorry, you can't possible write this post without being sappy. Skip through if you're not in that lovey dovey mode ok?*


I lost so much patience planning for my engagement and wedding. It's a headache especially when you expect so much from a day event.

But you only get married once. Once.

Once, that you'll remember for your lifetime.

Marriage, short, but means so much more than just a word.

and I can't believe I'm getting married. No, cross that. 

I can't believe I'm capable of being loved.

A friend once asked me "How do you know he's the one?"

I don't. 

I really don't. 

But every step forward I took towards our wedding day, he proves me over and over again that he's the one.

To tell you the truth...

He's not the one when he surprised me with a dozen of flower on my birthday.

He's not the one when he says he loves me every night, every day or over every conversation we had.

He's not even the one when he says that I'm pretty despite how ugly how others think of me.

but 

he's THE one when he came rushing for me when I felt so depressed over my work.

he's THE one when I threw my tantrum and got devastated over the wedding photographer, asked him to cancel them and got scolded by them yet still listened to me patiently and tried to make things better.

he's THE one who drove back all the way from Penang despite how tired he was, just because I told him that I wanted him here.

he's THE one because he is who he is.

and I can't possibly ask for more.

You see..

He sees me differently than how you would see me.

He made me feel important...mattered....and loved.

So, if you ask me again  "is he really the one?", I guess I could answer it in a matter of seconds.


A definite yes.

.

p/s : no engagement photos to show...sad, sad, sad.


Thursday, May 23, 2013

getting weary

With all these things happening, I'm finding myself losing appetite and lack of proper sleep. I often take a light breakfast and eat only half of my lunch and occasionally skip dinner. I used to be able to sleep long hour but these days I tend to sleep late and wake up before my alarm ticks off. 

I  am worried about my own mental and physical health.I find myself prone to crying even for tiny things and I'm worried of my declining weight.

I'm 146 cm, 33kg and I'm 27.

Yes, I used to take it as a laughing matter by saying I can hide easily in cupboards and people won't think of looking me there, how if I faint, it doesn't take a man to pick me up and sent to hospital.

But now I don't feel like laughing at all.I made funny remarks of myself just to make myself feel better.Truth is, I don't.

I don't because what happens when one day I want to have a child and there would be problems because of my BMI? What happens if one day I need an operation and there would be complication because I'm underweight?

People says that the nearer you are to your wedding, the happier you should be and perhaps the better your appetite? But god knows what I go through right now between work and wedding preparation.

Not having a stable income, trying to figure out what my next career move,, stepping into a marriage world, trying to build a home..it's all sounds like the common problem anyone would face.  Except facing it simultaneously without being able to take one step at a time is quite a lot to handle. 

I guess I'm just tired, of holding myself together that is.I want to be strong, strong for B, strong for my family.

Except occasionally....I trip.

It's so so.......  so tiring.


Friday, May 17, 2013

To be or Not to be

These past 3 weeks had been the most stressful, sad and tiring weeks for me. Who knew so many things could happen within 3 weeks.

It's all started out as a choice. A choice where the decision should be mine and mine alone.

My bosses have been pressuring me into doing PhD despite my constant hesitancy.

I told em', I'll made my decision once I've talked to the collaborator whose PhD project idea would come from and only then I'll made my decision.

Who knew, the day after I was presented with the new project, my CEO butt in and forced me to make a decision. A day after having seen the project wasn't sufficient to digest the information and decide on what could be the next 3 or 4 years of my life.

Her uncaring words and her dominant personality have triggered my spontaneous decision which I made probably out of hatred and rage. She made it crystal clear that there's not in any way she wants her company to continue doing synthesis work even at no cost. Which in another word, she wants me to leave cause I'm the only one doing synthesis.

As I transmitted her words to the university, the supervisors started to take action to deport me back to the university. I was taken aback at the speed of their action, and things to get more complicated and messy than ever.

Decision to do PhD was resulted out of impulse and direct reaction towards the CEO. I found myself troubled, sad, reluctant after having made that decision. So within a week, I wrote to my boss saying I'm having a second thought and I'm not doing PhD, which I believe I have the right to.

Sigh.

I learn a lot from these events. That what others sees as opportunities, I see as my obstacles. Opportunities are only as good as you want it to be. When you don't have the heart and soul to take on that choice, why do you have to? Just because others tell you to?

Not many have the same chance as I do, I have to admit that. But I'm sorry, it's not what I want. If you want me to marry a king and live in a beautiful kingdom, does it mean I  have to considering I don't even love the king? How can you live with a man you don't love. Problems will arise, and in the end you wouldn't be happy. Same goes to my situation right now.

How you live your life is your right and I'm not letting someone else tell me what to do even if it may be the most opportunistic thing in the world. You WON'T DIE just because you don't have a PhD! You will not be jobless just because you don't have a PhD. So stop it!

 I'm submitting my resignation letter next week.

A good friend told me and I quote "Embrace the change in your life".

It has been a very very challenging half year for me and I expect more to come.

Monday, May 13, 2013

Lost

These days, I can only live day by day. My heart can't take more than a day can offer.

Forced into making a decision has only resulted in my emotional and mental breakdown.

I don't usually lie, I hardly lie but last Friday I lied. The biggest lie I told so far. Because my heart couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't face a single soul without shedding a tear. I could barely breath a word without breaking into what could possibly be the most embarrassing  moment of my life. So I flee..by lying.

I wanted to run as far away as possible. I drove and drove, to find my happy place. A park where only happy memories were created. I felt safe, I felt momentarily relieved.

No one was around. So I cried..and cried...and cried.

Probably about an hour and a half I stayed crying.

I was lost. I never was this lost, but now I feel absolutely lost.

Please don't bring religion into this. I prayed, I did, but my prayers weren't answered. 

I gave up.

I'm not angry at Him. I deserved every bit of His punishment. I was sinful. My life full of sins.

I never felt this weak, this helpless, this soulless.


Thursday, May 9, 2013

This close to giving up

Ntah kenapa, hati kecil ni cakap my engagement won't go as well as I want it to be.

Just like merisik.

Dah tried my best to do hantaran and doorgifts on my own. 

Yang lain tu terpaksalah berserah je.

Nak ikutkan banyak je yg tak puas hati, tunang pun skali je seumur hidup (insyaallah) tapi ntahla, too late dah utk ubah apa2, cuma dapat fix sana sini je. Budjet pun bukan banyak. Sedey pun ade, excited pun ade.

Nak complain pun, nanti ada yang kecik hati. Nak demanding sangat, nanti ade yg marah. Serba salah.

If it goes ugly, then finela, tak larat dah nak pikir.
Monday, April 29, 2013

I saw a poster saying "Vote for trees", Yes I'll vote for you!

The streets are painted blue, green, red and white. It's an eyesore really. If it wasn't because of the upcoming event, I dare say it's pretty close to vandalism.

 It's a pity to see that the "war" has been engaged. The word "unity" seems to appear only in speeches and preaches to earn more vote. But unity is far from happening, I mean how can you define "united" when all I hear is people throwing harsh claims and accusations towards one another?

Funny really when I saw two girls who are friends with one another discussing politics on FB. The discussion was heavily heated and then religion is associated with politic. Dangerous game really, when one is accused of committing sin for voting one party over another.

I'm merely an observer. I'm afraid of confrontation and arguments because I don't believe politic is an issue worth losing your friends for. Some get overly sensitive over who they're voting for even though by right, your vote should be a secret, at least that's what they say.

Well, my vote is a secret.

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Secret I say.
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Actually I didn't register this year. 
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Don't ask why.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

The journey and beyond

Forgive me datuk and datin for being so silent these past few weeks.

I have a lot in my hands right now that writing a new post seems to be the last thing on my mind.

Besides cracking my head at work, purchasing a new ride, trying to own a crib and envisioning my future in my career, I do have an event (make that two, or shall I say three?) to plan.

I, or rather we, have decided to minimize the solemnization which mean stripping out the non essentials (in another word, those yang tak wajib) for solemnization to cut down our budget. I rather we spent more on the house and the life altogether than a one day event.

...Which means I'm going all out for the engagement.

Staying within our budget seems tough. Despite our saving, I don't want to exceed certain amount. Bless those who have financial help from parents, but we will try our best to stand on our own with minimal help from the elders.

Currently I'm decorating the hantarans. For non malaysians (is there any?), hantaran are gifts exchange between the future groom and future bride's families during engagement and solemnization.

I've decided to give everything on engagement and leave the essentials for solemnization.

So tadaaaa...a sneak peak of my hantaran decoration.


It's not finished, more like a prototype for now but I'll definitely keep the minimal decoration.

It might not be the most awesome looking hantaran but this will do.

You no likey?
Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Become a scientist?

 

Yep, totally agree
Friday, March 1, 2013

Perhaps u need a break

B, minta izin post ni ya..

Today, I received a text from B :


And that ladies and gentleman,

is my other half.

haha..

p/s : still love u no matter what

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Make everything okay

Not feeling OK?

Click below


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Has it been helpful?
Wednesday, February 27, 2013

The ups and downs of working in R&D

"How do you see yourself in 10 years time? " - typical job interview question.

Still short, wrinkles here and there and probably with extra few pounds.

Not relevant heh?

Anyways....

I believe in Msia, there're two types of R&D ; industrial R&D and academia R&D.

There's really a fine line between the two but when it comes to salary and work environment, there is a huge difference.

R&d in industry is more profit oriented. The work is generally routine work and most of the time, the working environment is harsher and your freedom is limited to improving the company's product. However, the positive thing about working in industry is the benefit, salary and the long term commitment.

Then again, what do I know? Cause I'm on the other side of the road.

You see, I work for a non profit company/university.

Awkward and uncomfortable position to be in but there are pros and cons to it.

In Msia (I think), it is extremely difficult for private organizations apply for research grant and it's a lot easier for universities to apply for one. For a non profit organization such as the one I have one foot in, they had to seek for research collaboration with universities to fund their research. In return, they provide the research proposal, facilities and equipment to work with. Private organization usually have more structural aim, objectives and their work are mostly better monitored.

In another word, you give me money, I give you name. You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. Get it?

More and more grants are given to various group in universities so that they can come up with more and more papers/publications which in consequence will contribute to the university's ranking. Their name will go up, so is their ranking, and then more students would come in.

On the other hand, the private company would usually have a more narrow aim in their research. For example, I have another foot in cancer research organization which like the name says, aim to contribute to the cancer research in Msia. The fact is, it's a non profit, therefore, we survived only on university grants, donation and charity. Where the money goes in our research will be closely scrutinized by the management.

The perk of working in academia is that you have a huge freedom on your project. How you lead your project is really up to you. If you're able to give a head start on a new project, that would be even better. You really manage your own time which means when being late to work is not usually as issue (tapi agak2 la kan) as long as you have your work progress accordingly.

The downside is however, you can't get far unless you have a PhD. And even with a master's degree, you don't earn much. Switching from academia to industry is also very difficult (so I've been told).

And that's my dilemma.

By the way, that my friends....are the ups and downs of working in R&D.

You might want to think twice before forcing your children to be in this scientific domain. It's a very slow pace in Msia. Please don't even compare us to other countries.


Tuesday, February 19, 2013

love anything








and that's how I felt when I met my other half.

=)

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Home and what it means to me

I really dislike going back home.

I don't like going back home after work.

I don't like going back home after having a day out on weekends.

The only thing happy thought that I can come up with when I go back home is...

I have a bed. And I can sleep in it.
Friday, February 15, 2013

Doorgift

For our engagement, my mom insisted on giving away doorgift. (If you ask me, I wouldn't even bother bout it....) 

but oh well.

We went to hunt for doorgift a few weeks ago and finally settled on purple heart shaped tin.

At first, we thought of just putting a thank you ribbon on it but I thought of making it more fancy..

and Voilà !


You likey? Or no likey?

Agak2, kalau jual laku tak?

Unauthorized

Someone freaking accessed my FB account.

I was at work and I only accessed my FB through my phone

now who's the culprit?